Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
The Dream Job
At the interview, the Human Resource Manager asked a young MBA fresh graduate: "How much salary you are looking for?"
The candidate said: "in my neighborhood, average about $ 150,000.00 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The Human Resource Manager Said: Hmm... I can offer you a package of 4 weeks vacation, 20 days paid holidays, full medical and dental treatment, 12 months bonus, retirement fund up to 80% of salary, and a company car, say... a Mazda 6?
The young candidate: "WOW ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!!"
The Human Resource Manager: "YES, but you started it!"
Go to Google, type "let it snow", hit the ENTER button , try it!
Go to Google, type "let it snow", hit the ENTER button , try it!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
BRA
Words Using "BRA"
Q: Which is the striped BRA? zeBRA
Q: Poisonous BRA? coBRA
Q: Mathematical BRA? algeBRA
Q: Zodiacal BRA? liBRA
Q: Magical BRA? aBRAkadaBRA
Q: Religious BRA? BRAhmin! BRAhma!
Q: Metallic bra? BRAss
Q: Anjelina Jolie's Bra? BRAd pit...
Q: Botany BRA? BRAnch
Q: Marketing BRA? BRAnd!
Q: puctuation bra? BRAcket
Q: Scary bra? GhaBRAahat!!!!
Q: A room where BRA's are kept? LiBRAry
Q: Bra which became the American President and inspired the whole world? ABRAham Lincoln!
Q: Which bra is very important for any vehicle? BRAke
Q: Brave Bra - BRAvado
Q: Donkeys language? BRAying
Q: Where do naughty thoughts originate? BRAin
Q: Which is the striped BRA? zeBRA
Q: Poisonous BRA? coBRA
Q: Mathematical BRA? algeBRA
Q: Zodiacal BRA? liBRA
Q: Magical BRA? aBRAkadaBRA
Q: Religious BRA? BRAhmin! BRAhma!
Q: Metallic bra? BRAss
Q: Anjelina Jolie's Bra? BRAd pit...
Q: Botany BRA? BRAnch
Q: Marketing BRA? BRAnd!
Q: puctuation bra? BRAcket
Q: Scary bra? GhaBRAahat!!!!
Q: A room where BRA's are kept? LiBRAry
Q: Bra which became the American President and inspired the whole world? ABRAham Lincoln!
Q: Which bra is very important for any vehicle? BRAke
Q: Brave Bra - BRAvado
Q: Donkeys language? BRAying
Q: Where do naughty thoughts originate? BRAin
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
你是誰呀？「你的老朋友啊」
昨天接到一個不 認識的電話不像本土口音，上來就直呼我的名字！
「王總！」
「你是誰呀？」
「你的老朋友啊」
「誰呀？」
「台東的老朋友啦，連我的聲音你都聽不出來了？」
「你是？」
「哎呀，王總你貴人多忘事啊!」
我是真的被問住了，想不起來這個聲音，又寒暄了半天，對方 就是不說自己的名字，
最後我不耐煩了，想想有點不對勁，可能是騙子，如果我把對 方的聲音認成是個老朋友，
對方就會想辦法講故事騙錢了。
於是我說：「你是台東的張XX吧」
「對呀對呀對呀，看看，我說你貴人多忘事，連我的聲音都聽 不出來了。」
「對不起啊，XX， 我還以為誰和我開玩笑吶」
「王總啊，我準備去台北出差，順便請你吃飯……」
我問：「XX， 你母親的癌症怎麼樣了」
對方呆了一下：「喔……還是老樣子」
「唉，得了這病也沒辦法。你爸車禍的案子結了嗎？」
「喔……差不多了」
「行啊，人都走了，賠 不賠的也別太在意了~」
「嗯..」
我又問：「強姦你老婆的流氓逮到了沒啊？」
「逮到了，逮到了」
我又問「你兒子沒屁眼的手術做了沒啊？」
..........
對方沈默了10秒種，沒說出話來，把電話掛了...
「王總！」
「你是誰呀？」
「你的老朋友啊」
「誰呀？」
「台東的老朋友啦，連我的聲音你都聽不出來了？」
「你是？」
「哎呀，王總你貴人多忘事啊!」
我是真的被問住了，想不起來這個聲音，又寒暄了半天，對方 就是不說自己的名字，
最後我不耐煩了，想想有點不對勁，可能是騙子，如果我把對 方的聲音認成是個老朋友，
對方就會想辦法講故事騙錢了。
於是我說：「你是台東的張XX吧」
「對呀對呀對呀，看看，我說你貴人多忘事，連我的聲音都聽 不出來了。」
「對不起啊，XX， 我還以為誰和我開玩笑吶」
「王總啊，我準備去台北出差，順便請你吃飯……」
我問：「XX， 你母親的癌症怎麼樣了」
對方呆了一下：「喔……還是老樣子」
「唉，得了這病也沒辦法。你爸車禍的案子結了嗎？」
「喔……差不多了」
「行啊，人都走了，賠 不賠的也別太在意了~」
「嗯..」
我又問：「強姦你老婆的流氓逮到了沒啊？」
「逮到了，逮到了」
我又問「你兒子沒屁眼的手術做了沒啊？」
..........
對方沈默了10秒種，沒說出話來，把電話掛了...
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
If animals have facebook...
If Animals Have Facebook, these are most likely to be their Status Updates:
Cockroach : Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle.
Cow : Huh! They are touching my breast again, what they think I am! Bitch?
Mosquito : I am HIV positive this is all due to wrong sucking !!
Chicken : If tomorrow I am not updating my status, means I am being served at KFC. Love you all.
Octopus : I have just refilled my ink horray !!
Cow : Friends, don’t go out, hari raya korban holiday is coming !!
Pig writes a comment on Cow’s status : “Luckily I am haram” "4 Likes"
Cow replies : Don’t you remember that after hari raya korban is the Chinese new year ?
God is watching
In a nursery school canteen, there was a basket of apples with a notice written on it: "do not take more than one, God is watching".
On the other counter, there was a box of chocolates, a child went and wrote on it: "take as many as you want, God is busy watching apples".
On the other counter, there was a box of chocolates, a child went and wrote on it: "take as many as you want, God is busy watching apples".
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Interesting Facts
They say so many people die because of alcohol.
They never realized how many of them are born because of it.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
A piece of Advice. To you,
I advise you,
Do not mess with me.
I know karate, Kung fu, judo,
tae kwon do, jujitsu,
and 28 other dangerous
words.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
LOL LMAO
Burglar leaves his Facebook page on victim’s computer
September 16, 2009
By Edward Marshall, Journal Staff Writer
|
MARTINSBURG - The popular online social networking site Facebook helped lead to an alleged burglar's arrest after he stopped check his account on the victim's computer, but forgot to log out before leaving the home with two diamond rings.
Jonathan G. Parker, 19, of Fort Loudoun, Pa., was arraigned Tuesday one count of felony daytime burglary.
According to court records, Deputy P.D. Ware of the Berkeley County Sheriff's Department responded on Aug. 28 to the victim's home after she reported the burglary.
She told police that someone had broken into her home through a bedroom window.
There were open cabinets in her garage, and other signs of a burglar.
The victim later noticed that the intruder also used her computer to check his Facebook status, and his account was still open when she checked the computer.
The victim later noticed that she was missing two diamond rings from her dresser in the same room as her computer.
The two rings were worth more than $3,500, reports indicate.
During the investigation, a friend of the victim told her that he knew where Parker was staying, in the same area as the victim's house.
Police then went to the home and spoke with a friend of Parker's.
The man said Parker had stopped by his home occasionally, but he said the man didn't live there.
He also said that the night before the burglary, Parker asked him if he wanted to help break into the victim's home but he refused.
As of Tuesday evening, Parker remained in custody at the Eastern Regional Jail on $10,000 bail.
If convicted he faces one to 10 years in prison.
September 16, 2009
By Edward Marshall, Journal Staff Writer
|
MARTINSBURG - The popular online social networking site Facebook helped lead to an alleged burglar's arrest after he stopped check his account on the victim's computer, but forgot to log out before leaving the home with two diamond rings.
Jonathan G. Parker, 19, of Fort Loudoun, Pa., was arraigned Tuesday one count of felony daytime burglary.
According to court records, Deputy P.D. Ware of the Berkeley County Sheriff's Department responded on Aug. 28 to the victim's home after she reported the burglary.
She told police that someone had broken into her home through a bedroom window.
There were open cabinets in her garage, and other signs of a burglar.
The victim later noticed that the intruder also used her computer to check his Facebook status, and his account was still open when she checked the computer.
The victim later noticed that she was missing two diamond rings from her dresser in the same room as her computer.
The two rings were worth more than $3,500, reports indicate.
During the investigation, a friend of the victim told her that he knew where Parker was staying, in the same area as the victim's house.
Police then went to the home and spoke with a friend of Parker's.
The man said Parker had stopped by his home occasionally, but he said the man didn't live there.
He also said that the night before the burglary, Parker asked him if he wanted to help break into the victim's home but he refused.
As of Tuesday evening, Parker remained in custody at the Eastern Regional Jail on $10,000 bail.
If convicted he faces one to 10 years in prison.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Job Function & Scope:
Project Manager is a person who thinks 9 women can deliver a baby in 1 month.
Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver 9 babies in a month.
Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman, they will produce a child with zero resources.
Documentation Team thinks they do not care whether the child is delivered, they will just document 9 months.
Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the process to produce a baby.
Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.
HR Manager is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby in given 9 months.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
hao xiao
在不对的时间， 遇到对的人， 那是 小三 ！
在对的时间， 遇到不对的人， 这是 三小 ！
在不对的时间， 遇到不对的人， 就是 縗小 ！
在对的时间， 遇到对的人， 大多是 毫小 HAO XIAO !
